Tuesday, October 19, 2010

My Big Trigger

Last week we had Fall Break, so I got Thursday and Friday off. I also took yesterday off because I had my echocardiogram and an OB appt. It was nice to have 5 days off from work. Today I woke up dreading it, but I bucked up and came in. Everything was going great until I went back into our break room and saw what I was hoping and praying I wouldn't have to see this year. There are 2 of us pregnant here this year. Fortunately for me the other person is also a Babyloss mom. She had a miscarriage last year just after I returned to work, so for me seeing her pregnant has been a piece of cake. I figured I was safe with the rest of the faculty. I even went as far as to go through each grade and make sure no one was would be having a baby. The only one that could said they are not ready yet. Smooth sailing right?!?! I guess I was wrong. We had a teacher get married this summer and I thought for sure they would wait for a little while before trying. Boy was I way off. I walked into the break room and there was an ultrasound picture with "Baby Field coming this April. It was all I could do to not burst into tears and go hide out in the bathroom. I am devastated to say the least. I hate to feel this way. I know it is not her fault that I lost Juanito, but I just didn't want to have to deal with a non-babyloss pregnancy right now. We are both due very close to each other and that is very hard for me. I feel horrible that I can't be happy for her, but I am just dealing with so much of my own stuff and this pregnancy right now and I am not doing well dealing with hers.
UGH..... I hate feeling like this!!!

2 comments:

  1. It doesn't make you a bad person. I hated feeling that way too. Take care of yourself sweetie, that's all you can do.

    ((hugs))

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  2. I completely understand the feeling. I still get all upset when someone who hasn't had a loss gets pregnant. I especially hate when non BLMs are due at the same time, because all I can think about is what if I don't get to bring mine home again and they do???

    It's really hard not to think or feel that way. (((hugs)))

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