Monday, October 4, 2010

Finally caught up..... Doctor appt today

Now that I have for the most part caught up on Noodle's progress over the past few months I can finally start writing post about how I am currently feeling. I have my feelings from before in my journal and for my sanity sake I will leave them there and just start from here on.

So today is yet another doctor's appt and US. I am very excited to get to see Noodle again today. I have waited 3 long weeks for that (thanks to Dr. H being out of town.) I have to admit though I am extremely nervous! It was this same appt with Juanito that I first found out about his "significant" subchorinic hemorrhage. I was reassured that they are very normal and over 90% of them heal and the pregnancy ends with a happy health baby in mama's arms. As you all know that was not the case for me =( At 5 1/2 weeks with this pg. they found a small subchorionic hemorrhage. It got a little bigger and then resolved by 7 weeks. It has not been noted since. I can't help but worry that they are going to find yet another bleed. I had 2 different bleeds spread apart with Juanito, so it could happen here too. In fact it has been about 6 weeks since they saw the last on and that is about the time frame with Juanito's bleeds too. I know I shouldn't compare pregnancies and I won't do it again. It just have this enormous fear about the bleeds and the similarities with having had them with both.

I shouldn't work myself up before I go in today. It is not healthy for me or for the baby, but I am just so worried that something is going to happen this time. I hate these fears. I hate the fact that I have to be a BLM and I have to even worry. I wish I knew that the outcome of this LO would be perfect and I would just stop worrying and enjoy life. Unfortunately that is an unknown, so I will be worrying until I am holding noodle safely in my arms.

1 comment:

  1. I got myself all worked up before every OB appt as well. I would be so nervous and just sick to my stomach. But when I finally got past the point of when I lost my angel I was finally able to calm down and "enjoy" this pregnancy more. It is so unfair to be a BLM and not be able to enjoy the simple joys of being pregnant. I wish you all the luck with this pregnancy!!!