Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Pity Party

So I am sitting here in the living room having myself a good pity party tonight. Juan is working out of town this week and I miss him! I have been having cramping since Monday and feeling something leaking every once and a while throughout the day for the past 3 days. This happened with Juanito and I chalked it up to baby on bladder. Now I'm not going to say it is not baby using my bladder as a trampoline this time around. I mean this is my 5th pregnancy and I know my muscles are not as strong as they used to be. I guess I have just decided I am going to be more cautious and if something worries me call my doctor. So that is exactly what I did today. i left a message with the nurse. She called me back and asked me to do a nitrazine strip to see if i was leaking fluid. It was negative as far as I could tell, but there was a small amount of bright read blood when I pulled the strip out. The strip itself can cause that, but I wasn't excited to see the blood. After I did the test she called back and said that my doc didn't want me to wait till Monday to come in for an ultrasound, so they scheduled me for 1:30 tomorrow to do a fluid check and I am going to ask for them to measure my cervix too. I am just so thankful to have the doppler. I am able to listen to Noodle's HB and it is a strong 148 tonight! I am just praying that my fluid levels are OK tomorrow and I can just call myself a psycho pregnant woman who lost a baby and doesn't know how she will make it the next 20ish weeks of this pregnancy without being committed!!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

My doppler finally arrived!!!

Yesterday I had some cramping during the day and it caused me to worry some. Of course I'm going to worry. I would be lying if I didn't say I worry all the time about every little thing that happens. On Mondays I go into my OB's office to get my progesterone shots, so I brought up my worries to the nurse, but my doc was at a delivery, so she said she would call me sometime today. Well it could have been too late if there really was an issue. I left not feeling too reassured, but I knew I needed to drink more fluids even though I have been drinking like crazy. When I walked through the door I downed a couple glasses of water and noticed several packages on the table for me. The first were some vacuum bags I ordered last week. Yay I can actually vacuum the house now!!! Then I notice the angel footprint decal arrived for my truck. I can't wait for the weather to cooperate so I can put them on. Then I noticed a larger package and I had no idea what it was. I knew I should be getting a few other things in the mail, but I was not expecting my doppler to have quite so quickly. I immediately locked myself in my room and had to try it out. When I was at my doc's office last week he was not able to find Noodle's HB with the doppler, so I had to give myself a lecture and make sure I would be OK if I was not able to find the HB I couldn't freak out. I started where the US tech told me baby was hiding and then slowly moved my way across my belly. I kept finding my own HB or hearing the placenta, but no baby. I just stayed calm and kept going. Finally way off to the right side and low I finally found that would thudding sound!!! Noodle's HB was beating away at 162bpm. It was a lot of fun to listen and I was able to call the kids in and they listened to their future siblings HB for the first time. It was a lot of fun. I had to take one more listen before I went to bed last night. I again found it way off to the right. I have been having a lot of lower right side pains and now I think I know why. Noodle has found a comfy spot on that side.

All in all I am very excited to have the doppler and I know I just need to have a lot of patience until Noodle is a little bit bigger!

Friday, October 22, 2010

16 weeks

I honestly never thought I would make it this far. In the beginning my progesterone levels we so low that I figured I wouldn't be able to make it past the 1st trimester let alone make it to 4 months. Noodle has been so active the past few days. I just love it!!! Yesterday all I felt were little kicks and flip flops. I just love that I get to have the opportunity to experience these movements and I look forward to the day that they are much stronger. We are coming up to the last few weeks I have with noodles big brother and to be honest I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. I wish I could have weekly ultrasounds until I pass 21 weeks, but I am not sure if that will happen. My next visit is Nov. 1st. Just 2 days before my birthday. Hopefully Noodle's gender will be confirmed and then I can do a special birthday post all about it. For now I am just going to live in the moment and enjoy every wiggle and kick I feel and hope and pray that I can continue to feel them for many many weeks more!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

My Big Trigger

Last week we had Fall Break, so I got Thursday and Friday off. I also took yesterday off because I had my echocardiogram and an OB appt. It was nice to have 5 days off from work. Today I woke up dreading it, but I bucked up and came in. Everything was going great until I went back into our break room and saw what I was hoping and praying I wouldn't have to see this year. There are 2 of us pregnant here this year. Fortunately for me the other person is also a Babyloss mom. She had a miscarriage last year just after I returned to work, so for me seeing her pregnant has been a piece of cake. I figured I was safe with the rest of the faculty. I even went as far as to go through each grade and make sure no one was would be having a baby. The only one that could said they are not ready yet. Smooth sailing right?!?! I guess I was wrong. We had a teacher get married this summer and I thought for sure they would wait for a little while before trying. Boy was I way off. I walked into the break room and there was an ultrasound picture with "Baby Field coming this April. It was all I could do to not burst into tears and go hide out in the bathroom. I am devastated to say the least. I hate to feel this way. I know it is not her fault that I lost Juanito, but I just didn't want to have to deal with a non-babyloss pregnancy right now. We are both due very close to each other and that is very hard for me. I feel horrible that I can't be happy for her, but I am just dealing with so much of my own stuff and this pregnancy right now and I am not doing well dealing with hers.
UGH..... I hate feeling like this!!!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Abdominal pains and my 15 week appt.

I have decided to just combine 2 posts so bare with me....

On Friday I woke up with some horrible lower right side abdominal pain. I called and my doctor was on vacation, so they told me to go to the ER. I had to wait for about 2 hours to get an ultrasound and I was so worried that I was abrupting again. The US showed no signs of an abrution or a bleed at all. Baby was doing great and the heart rate was perfect! My fluid was on the low side though. I have had to deal with this in 4 of my 5 pregnancies and it plain scares me to death! They told me that once I was sent home I needed to drink tons of water and take it easy. All other tests came back inconclusive, so I was asked to come back the next day for more. It turned out that I had an infection and I was placed on antibiotics. The pain has since improved some each day.

Today I had an echo on my heart to rule out abnormalities. As far as I could tell everything looked good. They found a murmur and so I will have to wait for the doctor to read everything to make sure, but it sounds like my heart is good for now.
I also had an OB appointment and ultrasound scheduled for today. I lost the 1 pound I had gained and my BP was excellent 124/72. That made me very happy. I thought that the ultrasound was first, but for some reason they scheduled the doctor first, so he decided to us his doppler to listen to the heartbeat. After about 5 minutes he was unable to find the heartbeat and I started to panic. All I could do was pray. My mom was trying to tell me everything was going to be OK and reassure me, but I could hear in her voice the panic that was building up inside her. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do if I lost this little noodle too. So we went back to the ultrasound room and all I could think was I had lost this one too. As soon as the tech put the probe on my belly I saw the little flicker of the heart and it was all I could do to not cry from relief. The heart was strong at 165 bpm. My fluid had come up some from friday's ultrasound which I loved. We even go a peek at the sex of the baby, but I am going to wait to announce until I have my next ultrasound to confirm. So all in all it turned out to be a good appointment. I just hope to never have that kind of a scare again.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Last night my hubby and I were watching Sister Wives. I have been obsessed with that show since it aired because it is taking place so close to home. It was so funny when the husband and his 3rd wife were driving to the hospital to be induced. They drove past so many doctor offices that we go to and then they arrived at the hospital where I used to work. I knew the doctor and the nurses who helped her. It was just weird! Anyway the whole time I was bouncing up and down and pointing and laughing at how I can't believe that all these places are being shown on this show. I finally stopped for a few minutes and I started feeling my stomach doing somersaults. I guess little Noodle was really excited too and had to join in the excitement. Around 11 weeks I felt some flutters, but I haven't really felt much. Last night was the first time that I really felt Noodle bouncing around and partying hard in there. I have been so excited to start feeling kicks and movement and I can't wait till I get past the 20 week mark and Noodle really starts to kick and push harder. Wow! I still can't believe this is really happening!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010


I wish I could just sit back and enjoy the fact that I have past the first trimester of this pregnancy and it should be free sailing from here on out. Unfortunately I am not able to do that. In fact this last week has been very emotionally draining on me. Every time I turn around I am worried that my fluid level is dropping or something is wrong with the baby. I have fears that my water is going to start leaking at any moment and this is going to end tragically. I hate feeling this way and I just wish I could only have positive happy thoughts. I wish I knew for sure that everything was going to be alright. I wish I knew for sure that we would have a happy ending with a baby snuggled tightly in our arms. I just wish I knew!!!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Juanito's Wish is Being Sponsored!!!

Jenna Belle's mommy Franchesca over at Small Bird Studio is sponsoring Juanito's Wish for the month of October. A portion of all proceeds she makes from blog makeovers will go to help fund our memory boxes. Fran is so talented and just an amazing person. She designed Juanito's blog for me and did a wonderful job. Please go over and check her out! If you were even thinking about re-doing your blog Fan is the gal for you. Plus you would be helping out a great cause!!!

14 Weeks

Well it is official.... I have hit the dreaded 2nd trimester. These next 13 weeks or so are going to be really hard for me. I have a history of problems occurring during the 2nd trimester. With Dylan it was weird tendinitis, Adriana I had low amniotic fluid which resulted in 10 weeks of bedrest, Mitch it was preterm labor and I lost my sweet Juanito late into my 2nd trimester. I don't want to jinx myself, but I really am scared. I do not know what to expect this time around and yesterday I had about 4 braxton hicks. My body for some reason just does not do well during the middle part of my pregnancies. I am praying that I can have a very uneventful 2nd trimester and this little Noodle of mine with cooperate with keeping mommies anxiety low.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

October 4, 2010

I finally made it to my appointment today! I was so glad that the doctor was running behind so they did the ultrasound first. It was so amazing. Right when the tech put the probe on my stomach Noodle lifted up their hand and waved. It was like they were telling me mommy see I'm Ok. Don't worry. It was nice to see a lot of fluid around the baby and then later in the US we saw Noodle sucking their thumb. I wish Juan could've been there. He missed out on a fun US. After that I went in to see the doctor. I gained 1 pound and my BP was through the roof! It was 165/101. The nurse had me relax and take some deep breaths and then she retook it. It was a lot better. I can't remember exact numbers but it was around 124/78ish I felt good about that. The doctor seemed please about how everything was progressing and he told me that the small bleed they measured in Aug. was 24mm and that it was very small. We sent up an appt for 2 weeks and there is a chance we will get to find out the sex of the baby then.

I set up a poll on the side of the blog for you to vote on the gender of the baby. It will be fun to see your answers!!! Just for your info. I have 3 boys and 1 girl. They may or may not persuade your answer =)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Finally caught up..... Doctor appt today

Now that I have for the most part caught up on Noodle's progress over the past few months I can finally start writing post about how I am currently feeling. I have my feelings from before in my journal and for my sanity sake I will leave them there and just start from here on.

So today is yet another doctor's appt and US. I am very excited to get to see Noodle again today. I have waited 3 long weeks for that (thanks to Dr. H being out of town.) I have to admit though I am extremely nervous! It was this same appt with Juanito that I first found out about his "significant" subchorinic hemorrhage. I was reassured that they are very normal and over 90% of them heal and the pregnancy ends with a happy health baby in mama's arms. As you all know that was not the case for me =( At 5 1/2 weeks with this pg. they found a small subchorionic hemorrhage. It got a little bigger and then resolved by 7 weeks. It has not been noted since. I can't help but worry that they are going to find yet another bleed. I had 2 different bleeds spread apart with Juanito, so it could happen here too. In fact it has been about 6 weeks since they saw the last on and that is about the time frame with Juanito's bleeds too. I know I shouldn't compare pregnancies and I won't do it again. It just have this enormous fear about the bleeds and the similarities with having had them with both.

I shouldn't work myself up before I go in today. It is not healthy for me or for the baby, but I am just so worried that something is going to happen this time. I hate these fears. I hate the fact that I have to be a BLM and I have to even worry. I wish I knew that the outcome of this LO would be perfect and I would just stop worrying and enjoy life. Unfortunately that is an unknown, so I will be worrying until I am holding noodle safely in my arms.

Sept. 13, 2010

Today I had yet another OB visit. I don't think I will ever get tired of going to the OB. My only problem is I work myself up so much that I am shaking and my BP skyrockets by the time I get there. I have yet to gain any weight with this pg and I am very thankful for that. I have been starving and eating so much food lately, so I was really worried. My BP however was 144/88 and my doc was worried that I have hypertension. I know I don't. It is just nerves doing their job. Hopefully by my next visit I can control them some and it will be lower. Dr. H was wonderful in answering all my questions today and instead of just using the doppler to hear the HB he took me into the US room and let me take a peek at Noodle. He is not as good at doing US's as his tech is but it was a beautiful sight and sound to see that little heart flickering away. Noodles Hb was 166 today and I was just so thankful everything looked good.

I also spoke to him about the NT scan and he told me all the things that they check for which regardless of what this LO could be born with I would NOT terminate and I would keep them and love them. So I chose not to get the scan. I know the risks involved with not doing it and I am just worried that it would cause me further stress during this pg if by chance something came back abnormal. I will do the blood work around 16 weeks and if anything comes back suspicious I will do further testing. I know how strongly many of you feel about that test and if there were any risk factors on either side of our families I would have not questioned it. I also know there are fluke things that can happen, but I have chosen to leave this in God's hands and just trust that He knows what is in my best interest.