Wednesday, December 29, 2010

24 and 25 weeks

This is just a quick update. I will post pictures and give more detail next week!

I have been on Christmas break from work and can I say I have felt so much better these last 2 weeks. I have had no preterm labor and my body has been pretty good to me. I did catch a small cold, but I have not needed to take anything for it. Baby girl has been a little quieter than I would like, but she is good at letting me know she is OK when I start to worry. I have both a MFM and OB appt this next week. I will get to see my sweet little girl again on ultrasound. I am so thankful for that! Other than that I have just been in survival mode with Christmas and Juanito's Birthday. I am sure he is enjoying the time he has to spend with his little sister until she gets here.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

We set up a plan

I had my regular OB appt. yesterday and I voiced all my concerns to him. He helped to answer all my questions and he gave me dates to reach for certain things to happen. I talked him into giving me Procardia for the contractions. I just do not want to be running to L&D every time I start contracting. I am well aware that the Procardia will not stop real labor and I do not intend to use it for that reason, but it will help me to know if it is real or not. He also said he would do steroid shots between 26 and 28 weeks. I see him again at 26 weeks, so I am assuming that he will evaluate how my contractions were and if I have started dilating and then set a date for the shots. I told him I just have this feeling that she will deliver early and I can't seem to shake it. I know I can't predict anything, but it is almost like mother's intuition. I have had several dreams about it too. I know that doesn't mean anything, but the feeling is there. I feel better knowing that he is taking me seriously and not just brushing me off. We then talked about the inconclusive FFN test and he said he has never had an inconclusive test before. His only reasoning is that I wasn't exactly 24 weeks when they did the test. So we will just see how the next few days go and possibly re-do the test in a week or so. I am keeping my fingers crossed that labor holds off for at least another 6 weeks and then we are able to stop it until I hit 35 weeks. I have managed to hold out to 36 and 37 with the others, so we shall see!!!

Monday, December 13, 2010

23 weeks, MFM appointment and Labor & Delivery

Her very first profile pictures!!!

So I have officially hit 23 weeks and it feels so good to be at this point. I have renewed hope and expectations for this pregnancy. I feel "free" to a certain extent now that I can only compare this pregnancy to my other living children and I can already see that this little girl is following in her big sister's footsteps! She is going to be a trouble maker!!!

I have been seeing Perinatologists about every 4 weeks because of my past history and it feels nice to know I am being watched very carefully. I went in for another level 2 ultrasound on Friday. All I can say is it was the best visit I have had so far! Baby girl had caught up (she measured about 4 days behind last time.) and she weighed a whopping 1lb 5 oz! My baby is now considered VIABLE!!! She even had a pocket of fluid that measured over 5cm. According to the peri. my fluid issues are no more! She even gave the tech a run for her money today. She was so active and squirmy that it was hard to get all the measurements she needed. She was breech and the tech told me that her head is oval and that is typical of breech babies. I giggled and told her that oval heads are a trait of my family and that Noodle would fit right in with her brothers and sister. I left that appt. feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Then the weekend came and all hell broke loose. I started contracting like crazy and had to visit L&D. When I first arrived they did all the standard tests... Pee in a cup, Fetal Fibronectin (This test shows if FFN has been released into the cervix. If it has it is likely that delivery of the baby will take place within the next few weeks), checking my cervix and hooking me up to the monitors. My cervix was thick and closed so I figured I would get Brethine, the contractions would stop and I would be sent home with no reason as to why. Well that sort of happened with a small glitch. My FFN test came back inconclusive and I am extremely worried about that. The nurse tried to reassure me that because my cervix is thick and closed that they were not to worried about delivery any time soon. I on the other hand know that my body does not play around when it comes time to deliver. My longest delivery has been 7 hours and with Juanito my labor only lasted 4 hours. I was 21 weeks and it should have taken much longer.
I almost feel like the nurse didn't take me as seriously as she probably should have given my history. When I first arrived she tried to tell me that I wasn't having contractions and it was probably bladder spasms or my bowls. I kept telling her that it didn't feel like either, but I couldn't convince her. I was so thankful that the monitors were able to pick up the contractions after I settled in or I honestly do not know what she would have done.

I do have a doctor's appt today at 4:10 and I plan on discussing everything with my doc. I want to make a plan!!! I am going to ask to be put on Procardia for preterm labor and I am going to discuss steroid shots with him. Now that Noodle is viable I am going to fight until I am blue in the face. I want and need this little girl to come home safe and sound with me and I will not take no or inadequate care for an answer!!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Juanito's Birthday Giveaway!

With Juanito's birthday fast approaching (Dec. 29th) I thought I should get a post up about it. As all of you know we have started Juanito's Wish in honor of our son. We make and fill memory boxes to donate to rural hospitals for grieving parents. When I had Juanito I had no idea what to expect after his birth. Other than my cousin who lost a baby boy 1 month prior to myself nobody in my family had ever lost a baby to stillbirth. Here in Utah in the larger hospitals there is a program set in place for parents who lose a child. A representative from this organization comes in and takes care of all the parent's needs. Not to mention send them home with tons of things to remember their baby by. This organization took such good care of us and they eased the pain we were feeling at that time. My cousin was not given those opportunities and I never want to have that happen to another grieving mother again, so Juanito's Wish makes and fills the memory boxes to donate to those hospitals who do not have an organization in place.
Here are a few pictures of 2 of the boxes that have been donated so far.

In hopes to raise more money for the cause I have decided to hold several giveaways. I have been given gift cards (Cold Stone Ice Cream, Target, Jamba Juice, Walmart and a few others that are still pending their arival) crafting supplies/scrapbooking supplies and figurines to give away and I can't wait to do so!!! I will keep the giveaway open until January 10th. With all the upcoming holidays I figured that I needed to give a little extra time. One big prize will be given away on Juanito's Birthday for anyone who has entered and the remaining will be done the evening of January 10th.

There are 2 ways to enter for these giveaways.
1. Post about Juanito's upcoming birthday and giveaway on your blog for 1 entry.
2. Make a donation. Every dollar donated equals 1 entry. So $5=5 entries.
There is a Chip In button in the upper right hand column of Juanito's Blog. It will direct you to Paypal where your donation can be made securely.
Once you have made your donation or blogged about the giveaway please leave me a comment telling me how much you donated or a link to your blog and I will put you in for the entries.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Weeks 21 and 22

These past couple of weeks have gone pretty easy and quickly. I can't believe I am just days away from viability. Wow! What an accomplishment!!! I had my first L&D visit to check for an UTI. It was negative, but I do have a very painful cyst on my right ovary. I have also started having charley horses in my stomach again, so my muscle are very sore. I walk like I just ran a marathon...LOL! Baby girl has been extremely active and I just love to feel her moving around in there. She had her first bout of hiccups yesterday and it was such a different feeling to have her bouncing around in there. I had forgotten how they feel. It has been awhile since I was far enough along in my pregnancy to feel hiccups. Mitch got them tons towards the end of his pregnancy and feeling this little one brought back tons of memories. I have another level 2 ultrasound on Friday. I am praying that they get all the measurements that they need and that her fluid levels are NORMAL!!! I am really nervous for this appt.

We have been shopping around for a car seat and thus far the one below is the one we like the best. I am not a big fan of straight handles, but that is the least of my worries. I am hoping to find one to buy for her for Christmas.

Monday, December 6, 2010

A New Rainbow!!!

Those of you who follow Juanito's blog have heard me post about a wonderful cousin of mine who lost a baby boy just a month prior to me losing Juanito. Although we have never been ones to talk everyday on the phone we have kept each other very close to our hearts. We share a bond that no 2 cousins should ever have to share. We both have sweet angel boys looking down on us! Well I just received a text from my mom stating that Megan delivered her sweet rainbow baby girl Makenna 3 weeks early weighing in at a nice 7lbs 10oz. Both mom and baby are doing great!!! My heart is so full right now that I can't even explain what I am feeling for Megan and her little family. Hearing about this little rainbow being born brings me hope! Hope that I too will get to bring little Brisa home, hope that many more rainbows will be born healthy and happy over these next few months and hope that my little family too will be filled with some much needed happiness that was lost when Juanito returned to Heaven.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

My 1st 20 weeks in pictures

Here are my first 20 weeks in Ultrasound pictures. Unfortunately I do not have a scanner, so the quality of the pictures are not great and to make it worse I developed low fluid around week 15, so some of the pictures are harder to distinguish the features. I still cherish these pictures very much and I wouldn't trade them for anything! You can tell she has grown and developed into a sweet little baby and I can't wait to see her again in 8 days!!!

5 weeks 3 days
6 weeks 4 days
7 weeks 4 days
10 weeks 2 days
13 weeks 3 days baby waving!
13 weeks 3 days Baby sucking thumb!
15 weeks 3 days This when I was diagnosed with low fluid =( but you can still see her profile.
16 weeks 6 days. The day we found out for she was a girl!!! Just as the tech was going to snap the picture she crossed her legs... LOL
16 weeks 6 days Profile with her little hand by her face.
18 weeks 3 days This is a vaginal US she has her legs positioned in a froggie style. Her spine is at the bottom of the picture if that helps.
18 weeks 3 days This one is another froggies style vag US. She is for sure a girl!!!
19 weeks a picture of her lips. She did not want to show off her whole face.
19 weeks Yet another picture showing she is in fact a girl. See the 3 lines???
19 weeks This is a picture of her right arm and hand.

My intentions were to get all of my belly pictures on here as well, but I forgot to upload my pictures from my camera (pregnancy Brain BIG TIME!!!), so I will get that done this weekend. So for now I will put what I do have up and then fill in the "gaps" with the ones on my camera.

16 weeks
18.6 weeks
20 weeks
21.5 weeks

Monday, November 22, 2010

20 weeks!

This is a few days late, but I have made it to 20 weeks and couldn't be happier. I only have one more milestone to hit with this pregnancy (which is Friday)and then I can no longer compare or worry about this pregnancy ending up just like Juanito's. I guess it means that it brings on a whole new set of worries for me. There are no guarantees in pregnancy. I have just decided that I have NO control of this and I need to be happy for each day that I get with her. I know that God is with us and he is guiding us through this.

On a different note: I have been feeling pretty good lately. I am def. feeling that full feeling you get as you progress in pregnancy. I can only imagine how it is going to feel when I'm 37 weeks. Noodle has started to move more, but she is still very inconsistent. Hopefully very soon I can start to recognize her patters better and know what she is doing. Having my placenta on the front of my uterus doesn't help any either. It really makes her movements harder to feel and also finding her heart beat is a pain. The placenta gets in the way all the timet. I have been thinking a lot lately about preparations for her. I honestly do not know when to start. When I was pregnant with Mitch I bought a whole bunch of premie clothes on sale for Christmas. I was only 19 weeks with him and his pregnancy turned out just fine. All of my kids have used premie clothes for about the first 6-8 weeks and I know that is something I will not get as gifts. I will be 25 weeks on Christmas and I want to go buy her some of her first outfits so bad, but I am scared! I wish that I didn't know any better and I could just go through this pregnancy in sweet bliss. I wish I could go out and buy everything I feel like we will need those first few weeks with out the fear of loosing her looming in the back of my mind. I just wish this was easier!!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I need your help!!!

Juanito's 1st angelversary is in 6 weeks and the only thing I can think that I want to do is raise more money to expand out Juanito's Wish. I have about 50 boxes waiting to be filled, but Juan's work has slowed and I have been unable to fill them. I have a Chip In button on Juanito's Blog and any donation big or small will help. If you are able to donate even a couple of dollars I would appreciate it or if you have any ideas as to how we can raise more money to expand to other hospitals PLEASE leave a comment. I know that the first few babyloss parents that received the boxes were very grateful and I would love to continue this project and help many more parents.

Monday, November 15, 2010

MFM Appointment

Sorry this one is a little late. Friday morning was my appt with the perinatologist. It was obvious that my fluid was low, but the appt still went well considering. We were able to see all her major organs. Some were a little grainy, so they will check them again at my next appt in 3 weeks. She has 2 kidneys and a bladder which was very full. She even peed during the US, so that was a huge relief. They found a good sized pocket of fluid that measured at 3cm before Noodle peed and 4cm after. The doctor felt good with that pocket and said I wouldn't need bed rest at this point unless I started into preterm labor. I left the appt. with a renewed sense of hope. I know that we are not out of the woods yet, but I did/do feel hopeful once again!

I know I said I wouldn't compare this pg with Juanito's and I won't, but I remember leaving my appt. on Dec. 1st of last year being told my fluid levels were fine and that there was nothing I needed to be worried about. 23 days later we found out my fluid was extremely low and just 5 days after that we found out he had passed. My point in all of this is that there are no guarantees in life and we should never take what a doctor or specialist says for granted. We have no control over this and we never will, so we need to be very thankful for every day we are given with our children because we never know when things could change!!!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Not so great news

Yesterday's ultrasound turned out not to not be as good as I had hoped it would. Noodle's fluid is very low and they were not able to see everything they wanted to. This early in pregnancy measuring the fluid is questionable, but my tech has been doing it all along so we have pretty good numbers to compare to. Normal fluid is above 13. Noodle's is measuring around 6. I am pretty devastate to say the least. I feel like I am living in this nightmare and I keep repeating it over and over. I am trying so hard to to stay positive, but once you have lived the worst nightmare in the world, you can't help but be afraid. With Juanito I went in and they told me my fluid was really low. I went back a week later and he was gone. So yesterday I went in and my fluid is really low....... I am bound and determined to go in next week and it have improved!!! I am drinking even more then I have been and I am going to bed! I still have to work, but as soon as I get off I will be going home and laying down. I already know that once I hit 23-24 weeks I am going to be put to bed if my fluid levels do not increase. I had this same thing happen with Adriana and I was put on bed rest from 23 weeks till 33 when I was moved to modified bed rest. She still came 4 weeks early, but she was alive and healthy!!! I will do things a little bit different this time around. I am going to insist on steroid shots and insist that they start NST's around 28 weeks. I am going to fight so hard for this baby and I will not take no for an answer!!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

So So Nervous!!!

Today is my big Ultrasound at my regular OB's office. I know things are good as far as Noodle still being here with us. i listened to a very strong HB last night and this morning. But I can't help worrying that they are going to find something else wrong. I know I shouldn't think that way, but I just can't help it. It was at my big US that they found out something was seriously wrong with Juanito's fluid level and then less than a week later he was gone. It was during a routine US that we found that his HB was no longer beating. I HATE that I even have to worry about things being wrong. The only thing I should have to worry about is if she really is a girl. Another thing that has me really upset today is that Juan will not be at the US with me today. He is working out of town. I BEGGED him to stay and leave tomorrow, but he couldn't and he left first thing this morning. I wish he worked in an office just around the corner from my OB's office like I do. My school seriously is around the corner from my OB and from the hospital I will be delivering at. Talk about convenient. I just wish Juan had the same, so I never had to go to an appt. alone. It is so frustrating to be so scared to go to the doctor in the first place, but to not have you hubby by your side makes it that much worse.
I guess today is not the happy go lucky day I wish I could be having. I've always wanted to have the big US a few weeks early, but have had to wait and now that I get to have it early I wish I could put it off a few weeks more incase I get bad news.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Hide and Seek

Well I've decided that Noodle LOVES to play hide and seek with my placenta. Unfortunately, my placenta is anterior this go around and it makes finding her heart beat somewhat tricky. For the past 2 nights she has really been hiding behind my placenta and it has made my search with the doppler for her heart beat a not so easy task. I often have to jiggle my belly several times for her to realize that maybe it would easier if she just cooperated and then she can go back to being nice a cozy snuggled into her placenta pillow. I hope that as she grows this task will become easier. I hate that it takes upwards of 15 minutes sometimes to find it. I just hope she is enjoying herself as she almost gives her mama a heart attack every time it takes too long to find that little beat ticking away around 150 bpm.

Monday, November 1, 2010

We found out! Drum Roll Please.......

And we couldn't be more excited!!! I have known since my 14 week ultrasound that Noodle was looking like a girl. At 15.5 weeks she looked even more girl and then it was confirmed for sure last Thursday when I went in for an US because I was having some bad cramping. She had her legs wide open and there was nothing in between them to indicate anything other than a girl. It was so cute too because when the US tech went to snap a shot she crossed them an we got a shot of her cute little feet crossed instead. I guess she didn't want anyone to see them except her mommy and the tech.

For Halloween I decide to order a t-shirt off the internet as my costume. I was hoping we could get her gender confirmed so I could add something pink to be able to announce what we were having right along with the fact we were expecting again. I had several coworkers who knew I was pregnant again, but I never talked about it and I kept the part that she was a girl a complete secret. It was a lot of fun and I had so many compliments on the shirt too.
Yes I am actually wearing the shirt in this picture. I found this cute little flower and I put it on the head. The best part about the shirt is that it glows in the dark!!! This will be a fun keepsake to put away for her for when she gets big.

Now I need your help!!! We thought we had a cute girl named picked out for her, but we are realizing that it would be too hard to pronounce for either English speakers or Spanish speakers depending how we spelled it, so I think it is out and we have NO CLUE on any other names. Anyone have any cute names they would like to share???

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Pity Party

So I am sitting here in the living room having myself a good pity party tonight. Juan is working out of town this week and I miss him! I have been having cramping since Monday and feeling something leaking every once and a while throughout the day for the past 3 days. This happened with Juanito and I chalked it up to baby on bladder. Now I'm not going to say it is not baby using my bladder as a trampoline this time around. I mean this is my 5th pregnancy and I know my muscles are not as strong as they used to be. I guess I have just decided I am going to be more cautious and if something worries me call my doctor. So that is exactly what I did today. i left a message with the nurse. She called me back and asked me to do a nitrazine strip to see if i was leaking fluid. It was negative as far as I could tell, but there was a small amount of bright read blood when I pulled the strip out. The strip itself can cause that, but I wasn't excited to see the blood. After I did the test she called back and said that my doc didn't want me to wait till Monday to come in for an ultrasound, so they scheduled me for 1:30 tomorrow to do a fluid check and I am going to ask for them to measure my cervix too. I am just so thankful to have the doppler. I am able to listen to Noodle's HB and it is a strong 148 tonight! I am just praying that my fluid levels are OK tomorrow and I can just call myself a psycho pregnant woman who lost a baby and doesn't know how she will make it the next 20ish weeks of this pregnancy without being committed!!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

My doppler finally arrived!!!

Yesterday I had some cramping during the day and it caused me to worry some. Of course I'm going to worry. I would be lying if I didn't say I worry all the time about every little thing that happens. On Mondays I go into my OB's office to get my progesterone shots, so I brought up my worries to the nurse, but my doc was at a delivery, so she said she would call me sometime today. Well it could have been too late if there really was an issue. I left not feeling too reassured, but I knew I needed to drink more fluids even though I have been drinking like crazy. When I walked through the door I downed a couple glasses of water and noticed several packages on the table for me. The first were some vacuum bags I ordered last week. Yay I can actually vacuum the house now!!! Then I notice the angel footprint decal arrived for my truck. I can't wait for the weather to cooperate so I can put them on. Then I noticed a larger package and I had no idea what it was. I knew I should be getting a few other things in the mail, but I was not expecting my doppler to have quite so quickly. I immediately locked myself in my room and had to try it out. When I was at my doc's office last week he was not able to find Noodle's HB with the doppler, so I had to give myself a lecture and make sure I would be OK if I was not able to find the HB I couldn't freak out. I started where the US tech told me baby was hiding and then slowly moved my way across my belly. I kept finding my own HB or hearing the placenta, but no baby. I just stayed calm and kept going. Finally way off to the right side and low I finally found that would thudding sound!!! Noodle's HB was beating away at 162bpm. It was a lot of fun to listen and I was able to call the kids in and they listened to their future siblings HB for the first time. It was a lot of fun. I had to take one more listen before I went to bed last night. I again found it way off to the right. I have been having a lot of lower right side pains and now I think I know why. Noodle has found a comfy spot on that side.

All in all I am very excited to have the doppler and I know I just need to have a lot of patience until Noodle is a little bit bigger!

Friday, October 22, 2010

16 weeks

I honestly never thought I would make it this far. In the beginning my progesterone levels we so low that I figured I wouldn't be able to make it past the 1st trimester let alone make it to 4 months. Noodle has been so active the past few days. I just love it!!! Yesterday all I felt were little kicks and flip flops. I just love that I get to have the opportunity to experience these movements and I look forward to the day that they are much stronger. We are coming up to the last few weeks I have with noodles big brother and to be honest I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. I wish I could have weekly ultrasounds until I pass 21 weeks, but I am not sure if that will happen. My next visit is Nov. 1st. Just 2 days before my birthday. Hopefully Noodle's gender will be confirmed and then I can do a special birthday post all about it. For now I am just going to live in the moment and enjoy every wiggle and kick I feel and hope and pray that I can continue to feel them for many many weeks more!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

My Big Trigger

Last week we had Fall Break, so I got Thursday and Friday off. I also took yesterday off because I had my echocardiogram and an OB appt. It was nice to have 5 days off from work. Today I woke up dreading it, but I bucked up and came in. Everything was going great until I went back into our break room and saw what I was hoping and praying I wouldn't have to see this year. There are 2 of us pregnant here this year. Fortunately for me the other person is also a Babyloss mom. She had a miscarriage last year just after I returned to work, so for me seeing her pregnant has been a piece of cake. I figured I was safe with the rest of the faculty. I even went as far as to go through each grade and make sure no one was would be having a baby. The only one that could said they are not ready yet. Smooth sailing right?!?! I guess I was wrong. We had a teacher get married this summer and I thought for sure they would wait for a little while before trying. Boy was I way off. I walked into the break room and there was an ultrasound picture with "Baby Field coming this April. It was all I could do to not burst into tears and go hide out in the bathroom. I am devastated to say the least. I hate to feel this way. I know it is not her fault that I lost Juanito, but I just didn't want to have to deal with a non-babyloss pregnancy right now. We are both due very close to each other and that is very hard for me. I feel horrible that I can't be happy for her, but I am just dealing with so much of my own stuff and this pregnancy right now and I am not doing well dealing with hers.
UGH..... I hate feeling like this!!!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Abdominal pains and my 15 week appt.

I have decided to just combine 2 posts so bare with me....

On Friday I woke up with some horrible lower right side abdominal pain. I called and my doctor was on vacation, so they told me to go to the ER. I had to wait for about 2 hours to get an ultrasound and I was so worried that I was abrupting again. The US showed no signs of an abrution or a bleed at all. Baby was doing great and the heart rate was perfect! My fluid was on the low side though. I have had to deal with this in 4 of my 5 pregnancies and it plain scares me to death! They told me that once I was sent home I needed to drink tons of water and take it easy. All other tests came back inconclusive, so I was asked to come back the next day for more. It turned out that I had an infection and I was placed on antibiotics. The pain has since improved some each day.

Today I had an echo on my heart to rule out abnormalities. As far as I could tell everything looked good. They found a murmur and so I will have to wait for the doctor to read everything to make sure, but it sounds like my heart is good for now.
I also had an OB appointment and ultrasound scheduled for today. I lost the 1 pound I had gained and my BP was excellent 124/72. That made me very happy. I thought that the ultrasound was first, but for some reason they scheduled the doctor first, so he decided to us his doppler to listen to the heartbeat. After about 5 minutes he was unable to find the heartbeat and I started to panic. All I could do was pray. My mom was trying to tell me everything was going to be OK and reassure me, but I could hear in her voice the panic that was building up inside her. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do if I lost this little noodle too. So we went back to the ultrasound room and all I could think was I had lost this one too. As soon as the tech put the probe on my belly I saw the little flicker of the heart and it was all I could do to not cry from relief. The heart was strong at 165 bpm. My fluid had come up some from friday's ultrasound which I loved. We even go a peek at the sex of the baby, but I am going to wait to announce until I have my next ultrasound to confirm. So all in all it turned out to be a good appointment. I just hope to never have that kind of a scare again.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


Last night my hubby and I were watching Sister Wives. I have been obsessed with that show since it aired because it is taking place so close to home. It was so funny when the husband and his 3rd wife were driving to the hospital to be induced. They drove past so many doctor offices that we go to and then they arrived at the hospital where I used to work. I knew the doctor and the nurses who helped her. It was just weird! Anyway the whole time I was bouncing up and down and pointing and laughing at how I can't believe that all these places are being shown on this show. I finally stopped for a few minutes and I started feeling my stomach doing somersaults. I guess little Noodle was really excited too and had to join in the excitement. Around 11 weeks I felt some flutters, but I haven't really felt much. Last night was the first time that I really felt Noodle bouncing around and partying hard in there. I have been so excited to start feeling kicks and movement and I can't wait till I get past the 20 week mark and Noodle really starts to kick and push harder. Wow! I still can't believe this is really happening!!!

Monday, October 11, 2010


I wish I could just sit back and enjoy the fact that I have past the first trimester of this pregnancy and it should be free sailing from here on out. Unfortunately I am not able to do that. In fact this last week has been very emotionally draining on me. Every time I turn around I am worried that my fluid level is dropping or something is wrong with the baby. I have fears that my water is going to start leaking at any moment and this is going to end tragically. I hate feeling this way and I just wish I could only have positive happy thoughts. I wish I knew for sure that everything was going to be alright. I wish I knew for sure that we would have a happy ending with a baby snuggled tightly in our arms. I just wish I knew!!!

Friday, October 8, 2010

Juanito's Wish is Being Sponsored!!!

Jenna Belle's mommy Franchesca over at Small Bird Studio is sponsoring Juanito's Wish for the month of October. A portion of all proceeds she makes from blog makeovers will go to help fund our memory boxes. Fran is so talented and just an amazing person. She designed Juanito's blog for me and did a wonderful job. Please go over and check her out! If you were even thinking about re-doing your blog Fan is the gal for you. Plus you would be helping out a great cause!!!

14 Weeks

Well it is official.... I have hit the dreaded 2nd trimester. These next 13 weeks or so are going to be really hard for me. I have a history of problems occurring during the 2nd trimester. With Dylan it was weird tendinitis, Adriana I had low amniotic fluid which resulted in 10 weeks of bedrest, Mitch it was preterm labor and I lost my sweet Juanito late into my 2nd trimester. I don't want to jinx myself, but I really am scared. I do not know what to expect this time around and yesterday I had about 4 braxton hicks. My body for some reason just does not do well during the middle part of my pregnancies. I am praying that I can have a very uneventful 2nd trimester and this little Noodle of mine with cooperate with keeping mommies anxiety low.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

October 4, 2010

I finally made it to my appointment today! I was so glad that the doctor was running behind so they did the ultrasound first. It was so amazing. Right when the tech put the probe on my stomach Noodle lifted up their hand and waved. It was like they were telling me mommy see I'm Ok. Don't worry. It was nice to see a lot of fluid around the baby and then later in the US we saw Noodle sucking their thumb. I wish Juan could've been there. He missed out on a fun US. After that I went in to see the doctor. I gained 1 pound and my BP was through the roof! It was 165/101. The nurse had me relax and take some deep breaths and then she retook it. It was a lot better. I can't remember exact numbers but it was around 124/78ish I felt good about that. The doctor seemed please about how everything was progressing and he told me that the small bleed they measured in Aug. was 24mm and that it was very small. We sent up an appt for 2 weeks and there is a chance we will get to find out the sex of the baby then.

I set up a poll on the side of the blog for you to vote on the gender of the baby. It will be fun to see your answers!!! Just for your info. I have 3 boys and 1 girl. They may or may not persuade your answer =)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Finally caught up..... Doctor appt today

Now that I have for the most part caught up on Noodle's progress over the past few months I can finally start writing post about how I am currently feeling. I have my feelings from before in my journal and for my sanity sake I will leave them there and just start from here on.

So today is yet another doctor's appt and US. I am very excited to get to see Noodle again today. I have waited 3 long weeks for that (thanks to Dr. H being out of town.) I have to admit though I am extremely nervous! It was this same appt with Juanito that I first found out about his "significant" subchorinic hemorrhage. I was reassured that they are very normal and over 90% of them heal and the pregnancy ends with a happy health baby in mama's arms. As you all know that was not the case for me =( At 5 1/2 weeks with this pg. they found a small subchorionic hemorrhage. It got a little bigger and then resolved by 7 weeks. It has not been noted since. I can't help but worry that they are going to find yet another bleed. I had 2 different bleeds spread apart with Juanito, so it could happen here too. In fact it has been about 6 weeks since they saw the last on and that is about the time frame with Juanito's bleeds too. I know I shouldn't compare pregnancies and I won't do it again. It just have this enormous fear about the bleeds and the similarities with having had them with both.

I shouldn't work myself up before I go in today. It is not healthy for me or for the baby, but I am just so worried that something is going to happen this time. I hate these fears. I hate the fact that I have to be a BLM and I have to even worry. I wish I knew that the outcome of this LO would be perfect and I would just stop worrying and enjoy life. Unfortunately that is an unknown, so I will be worrying until I am holding noodle safely in my arms.

Sept. 13, 2010

Today I had yet another OB visit. I don't think I will ever get tired of going to the OB. My only problem is I work myself up so much that I am shaking and my BP skyrockets by the time I get there. I have yet to gain any weight with this pg and I am very thankful for that. I have been starving and eating so much food lately, so I was really worried. My BP however was 144/88 and my doc was worried that I have hypertension. I know I don't. It is just nerves doing their job. Hopefully by my next visit I can control them some and it will be lower. Dr. H was wonderful in answering all my questions today and instead of just using the doppler to hear the HB he took me into the US room and let me take a peek at Noodle. He is not as good at doing US's as his tech is but it was a beautiful sight and sound to see that little heart flickering away. Noodles Hb was 166 today and I was just so thankful everything looked good.

I also spoke to him about the NT scan and he told me all the things that they check for which regardless of what this LO could be born with I would NOT terminate and I would keep them and love them. So I chose not to get the scan. I know the risks involved with not doing it and I am just worried that it would cause me further stress during this pg if by chance something came back abnormal. I will do the blood work around 16 weeks and if anything comes back suspicious I will do further testing. I know how strongly many of you feel about that test and if there were any risk factors on either side of our families I would have not questioned it. I also know there are fluke things that can happen, but I have chosen to leave this in God's hands and just trust that He knows what is in my best interest.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Aug. 24, 2010

I went back to have another US today. Both the tech and my doctor wanted to make sure that both Juan and I saw the heartbeat. They wanted us to feel good about things going into this long road we have ahead of us. It was the most wonderful sound!!! Noodle's little heart was flickering away at 133bpm. My first thought was it's a little boy and then I remembered that none of my kids have followed the fast/slow measurements. I am for TEAM ALIVE and I do not care what gender this little one turns out to be. It was so amazing the definition of this little one at such an early gestation. We could see small movements and that little heart was amazing! I def. feel like I have been put at ease for at least a few days anyway!!!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Aug. 17, 2010

Today was my first visit to my OB since my follow appt after I lost Juanito. I was a nervous wreck and I didn't know how I was going to react. They were so good to take me back almost immediately. All the nurses were well aware of my history (even the new ones) They were just awesome. Dr. H was even more amazing. He spent well over the scheduled time with us answering our questions and just talking. After the I finished with him they took me back for an US. Dr. H even stepped in and watched with us. You could see a nice big sac and a perfectly sized fetal pole. The tech. said she was able to see the little flicker of the HB on there, but the US wouldn't pick it up, so they asked my if I would come back in a week to show me the HB. I of course said yes. It was so nice to go in and be treated like a person and not just be pitied because I lost a baby. I am so glad I pushed all the feelings I had about returning and decided to go back to Dr. H. I think this is going to turn out to be an amazing experience!!!

Aug. 10, 2010

Well I have been extremely nervous about all everything that is going on and Dr. H can't get me in until next week, so I called my family physician and scheduled an US for today. I just wanted to make sure there was a sac. My appointment was at 4:00pm and it was pure torture waiting to go to AF Hospital. Finally the time came fro me to head to the hospital. I got there and the orders had not arrived. I had to sit there for another 30 minutes and wait until the orders finally came through. I was so nervous by the time I went back I thought I was going to have a panic attack right then and there. The tech was super nice and she said she saw a sac immediately when she placed the probe on my stomach. She said she would have to do a vaginal US to get accurate measurements, but I didn't care. Sure enough there was a nice round sac that measured 5.4 weeks. Right on track! We weren't able to see a fetal pole yet, but that wasn't a surprise considering I was so early. I am just thankful that everything is looking just like it should.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

August 2, 2010

This morning I woke up and realized I should have started my period today and there was nothing. I had my progesterone levels drawn before we left for Oregon in July and it was 1.7. I was told that there was now way I had ovulated so Juan and I went to Oregon and figured we would make an appointment with my doctor when we got back and discuss our options. We had decided that Clomid had not helped us with the fertility issues the past few months and we wanted to just leave it in God's hands. Well when there was no spotting what so ever I decided to take a test. Of course I had a few left over from the devistating months prior. When I saw what looked like a faint second line I began shaking and tears were streaming down my face. I just sat there in the bathroom in shock for what seemed like hours. I called my doctor's office and asked if I could come in and take a test there. Of course it was positive. I again began bawling. I decided to call Juan and ask him if I could come and eat lunch with him. I bought a beautiful box and filled it with little baby trinkets. When I pulled up to the gas station to pick him up I couldn't stand it and I gave him the box immediately. He opened it and then gave me a huge hug. I can't believe that we have yet again been blessed with another baby. This has been such a long hard road and now all we can do is leave it in God's hands.